Know your threshold
How does one know the threshold? In my case, as you, of all people, know very well, I listen to, first, my body, and, second, my instinct. I think my inner Doctor is alive and robust enough to continue diagnosing me as I get older, and smarter. Who thinks of the inner voice, find the inner balance, what makes our actions and behaviour in agreement with God-created nature. As Ilyin points out, arrogance on our part only leads to transgressing our limits, breaking through the threshold.
The inner Doctor
“The ability to heed the wordless voice of one’s inner Doctor has, unfortunately, been lost to modern man. The original man had this gift and was happy. But today’s unfortunate pundit is not capable of this. He prides himself on his rational thinking and imagines that conscious thought composes the main essence and force of life. He imagines that cultures overcome and subjugated nature. He is a proud, self-righteous rationalist who thinks his arbitrary rule is designed to conquer God-created nature, or perhaps even take its place.
He goes as far as to think up various unnatural theories and ways of life, turning everything upside down. His godlessness blinds him more and more, luring him farther and farther away. The sin of going against nature is embedded deeper and deeper in modern man – and it is too late for him to escape fair retribution. A person’s stubborn defiance of nature can break his back, for he who rises against God-created nature rebels against God.” (Ivan Ilyin: The School of Life)
Limits and exceptions
Well please do not worry my dear. I know my limits, and, with very few exceptions, I know when I am about to reach them, and when I must “turn off”. Those exceptions, by the way, have been few and far between, but have always been followed by some sort of crisis, physical or emotional, confirming the inner Doctor idea. Then I had to “backtrack”, to go back some steps to start anew, on a healthy basis.
How to “unplug”
This is where you come in, my sweet friend, for it is much easier to stop our sliding on the slippery slope to disaster with the help of someone we love. Indeed, in those exceptions I mentioned, it has always been the case that I was without it. Since we met it has never happened, and it will not. You help me in many ways, by being attentive, by observing the signs of strain, by reminding me, if necessary of the living flame of God that sustains our spiritual life, and our friendship.
Successful unplugging means looking at reality from a different viewpoint, listening to the inner voice, standing back from that border. It’s about confidence and trust, in our inner voice, and the Creator. As you know, our prayers together have helped both of us when we met pain, grief, losses. This has meant that our lives, in Ilyin’s words, has not become a “vain gift”, and will not “squander its purpose and spiritual definition.”
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